i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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