I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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