State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize