Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
