get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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