I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
