Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
