just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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