these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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