There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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