my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
