I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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