I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize