At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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