i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
