I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
