Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
