watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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