We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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