We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
