My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
