I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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