At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
