You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
