Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
