In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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