he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
