Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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