We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
