Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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