Just fell off a train. Bad.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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