I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
