I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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