Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
