i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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