I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
