im having a threesome with these popsicles
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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