I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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