if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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