Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
