This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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