got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
