Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
