the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
