I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
