Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
