mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
