So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize