last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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