Sry I called you an 8
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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