You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
