Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They took my balls.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
