gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize