Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
