A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize