I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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