oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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