remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
