Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Bring me that man meat
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