You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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