:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
