I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
