I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
