Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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