I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
