then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We left an ass print on the piano.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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